There has been much talk about Chelsea’s lack of success in this summer’s transfer window, especially when it comes to securing big name strikers. The biggest disappointment so far has been Romelu Lukaku’s headline-making decision to go to Old Trafford instead of Stamford Bridge, despite the Blues finishing top of the league, six places above their Manchester rivals with more 24 points. Even when the rapper Stormzy was mistaken for the player by one British newspaper, it didn’t make the news any more palatable.
On the plus side, Antonio Conte has secured the services of Antonio Rudiger to bolster the Chelsea defences and Tiemoue Bakayoko from Monaco to partner N’Golo Kante in the midfield. The latter deal proving that all is not lost, with Bakayoko turning the tables on the Lukaku situation by snubbing United in favour of Chelsea.
Nonetheless, various bloggers on these pages have called the situation ‘frustrating’ and ‘disappointing’, reflecting on whether the club will panic at losing their number one transfer target to their bitter northern rivals. But in reality, losing out on Lukaku is not the end of the world. So to make you feel a little better about it all, let’s look at some of the things that could be, and what the chances are of any of them happening!
The shortest odds for the end of the world, of course, are for the sun to swell up and swallow the planet. This is as guaranteed a winner as a royal flush in poker, unless we destroy the world ourselves in the mean time. The most likely way we’ll do that, according to the bookmakers, is with nuclear weapons, at 30/1, or biological weapons, at 60/1. Sitting neatly in between is a 2012 style natural disaster, estimated to be a 45/1 chance.
Of course, it might not be a weapon that brings about the end of days; it could just be our own curiosity. 30% of people think that science will bring about its own downfall, with the Large Hadron Collider top of many people’s risk list. But you shouldn’t lose too much sleep, because the odds of Prof. Brian Cox’s huge Swiss wheel creating an earth eating black hole are set at 1million/1.
Perhaps more frighteningly, especially for anyone who has been to the cinema recently, are the odds of an ape uprising spelling the end of the world for mankind. At just 4,600/1, the bookmakers reckon an ape-ocalypse is more likely than Leicester winning the 2014/15 Premier League – and that actually happened!
In fact, there are lots of scenarios that are rated more likely than Leicester’s win, from a zombie apocalypse, at 1000/1, to an alien invasion, at just 500/1. A terminator style robot uprising is said to be even more likely, with odds of just 80/1 that Arnie will ‘Be Back’ after all.
There are many predictions as to how the final cards will be dealt, raising the stakes and setting the odds for life’s last great poker hand. Just like poker, the potential hands range from fading out with a limp jack-high or pair of twos, to going out in a blaze of glory with a full house of aliens, zombies and killer robots. But remember, even if you play your cards right and go all in, picking your most likely options, Texas Hold ‘em style, you’ll never get to collect your winnings because by then the house will have well and truly had its chips!
If this all sounds a bit far fetched, that’s because it is meant to! Chelsea missing out on Lukaku really isn’t the end of the world, as some pundits are saying. However good he may be, and however much Chelsea may have wanted to sign him, Lukaku is just one player at the end of the day, and Conte has plenty of cash behind him to secure what he needs.
UPDATE: Today Chelsea secured their striker and answered Manchester United head on by signing Alvaro Morata from Real Madrid for around £70million. We will never truly know which player either club really wanted but you can certainly make a case for the idea that Chelsea really wanted Alvaro Morata. When asked about his move, Morata said:
“Chelsea is the best club.
“Antonio Conte is one of the best coaches in the world and I am so happy to work with him.”
The new Chelsea man declined to comment when asked about his reported near move to Old Trafford saying “I don’t know. The most important thing is I am here and will play for Chelsea.”
Diego Costa was a good player for Chelsea but it seems he wants to go back to Spain so signing a new striker was a must and by bagging the 24 year old Alvaro Morata, the Blues are getting a striker who is coming into his prime already having won titles in Italy and Spain. The Morata signing certainly looks like another piece of excellent transfer business by the Blues.