Chelsea aiming to continue remarkable run of wasting money by launching excessive bid for average striker

Chelsea aiming to continue remarkable run of wasting money by launching excessive bid for average striker

Chelsea look set to keep up their Joe DiMaggio-like streak of wasting money by launching an other over excessive bid for a striker this summer. 

The Blues plan to take to the transfer market once again at the end of the season as they look to replace Alvaro Morata.

The Spaniard joined Chelsea instead of Manchester United last summer in a club record deal worth £67 million after a sensational season at Real Madrid in which he hit 15 league goals.

“We don’t quite know why, but it just hasn’t worked out for Alvaro,” said Chelsea manager Antonio Conte, “His record at Madrid and Juve was meh, but when he batted those pretty eyelashes we just had to give him a shot.

“Eyelashes and a tub of wet look gel don’t equate to goals however, as we know now.”

Alvaro Morata plays in the FA Community Shield vs Arsenal

Rather than turn to goal-machine loanee Michy Batshuayi or January bargain signing Olivier Giroud from Arsenal however, Chelsea will once again look outwards in their search for goals this summer.

“We already have some promising options lined-up,” continued Conte, “I don’t want to name any of them but let’s just say they are extremely average and we will probably spend a lot of money.

“We don’t want to make the same mistakes we’ve done in the past by giving the players already at the club a chance.

“Michy [Batshuayi] has already proved he’s useless, plus my nan could score in the Bundesliga. And as for Giroud, he’s had three games and hasn’t blown us away, so that’s that.

“Spending money works, it’s a proven formula.”

Please note, this is, quite clearly, satire – happy April Fool’s Day – have a laugh on us!